By Michaela Papa, Columnist
Halloween is a much-anticipated holiday. Perhaps this is because Halloween can only exist on Oct. 31. Bear with me. The top three contenders for most commercial holidays are Christmas, Valentine's Day and Halloween. Each of these holidays can exist outside of their designated day…except Halloween.
Christmas is considered the most wonderful time of the year. Though it is technically only one day, it is truly a season. Perhaps the best part about Christmas is the music. Granted, some may make rules about the appropriate time to begin listening to Christmas music, though I think it's acceptable all year round. The same cannot be said about "The Monster Mash." That song is barely acceptable on Halloween itself.
The feel-good/snow is falling/I appreciate everything/giving feel of Christmas is always appropriate. Any time of the year, the same sentimentality of Christmas is warmly welcomed. Christmas lights, copious cookies, and a sense of morality are ubiquitously timely. While a Christmas tree could be deemed out of place any time after January, I think this could be the new Chia Pet.
Valentine's day is another in the top three commercialized days. First off, red is acceptable to wear all year long. Next, everybody loves chocolate. Valentine's Day candy is typically presented within a symbolic, single heart-shaped box. It is acceptable to consume these portions of candy all year long. Maybe it's my inner, moderately suppressed girl saying this, but Valentine's Day candy portions are perfectly good any time.
Furthermore, the love and appreciation is warranted all year round. Disregarding the bitter singles of America, everybody would enjoy Valentine's Day any day of the year. The overall feeling of mushy love, while posing the possibility of nausea after constant hyperbolic exposure, would always be appropriate.
Halloween, unlike Christmas and Valentine's Day, can only exist on Halloween. Any aspect of Halloween taken out of context is utterly absurd. Small children wandering about going door-to-door giving ultimatums to costumed adults is inappropriate any day except for Halloween. No rules apply. For years, I have used the word "slutify" in regards to Halloween.
After extensive research I've derived a formula for Halloween attire. Begin with a noun, sluttify, and divide by dignity and morals. The final product is your "costume." Perhaps it's person opinion, but I don't think there's anything sexy about a pumpkin. There is nothing slutty about a cat. Regardless of the adjective "slutty" prefacing mundane nouns, this does not make them sexy. Thus, comes the word "slutify."
While some opt for slutty wear, others opt for the classic black and orange. Though adorable and third-grade-teacheresque, the colors of Halloween are not appropriate outside of Halloween.
Lastly, the mass consumption of candy that is only appropriate for Halloween. If everybody ate candy with such voracity as Halloween night America would have a large problem on his or her hands.
I can assume I'm not the only one who sorted my candy strewn about the kitchen table, and then preceded to eat it until my mom caught me hiding empty wrappers. Sticking with that assumption, I'm going to maintain some pride and say that Halloween can only exist on Halloween.
So, thriving college students, soak up this weekend, be it in copious amounts of alcohol, slutification, or Butterfingers. This is a holiday in which all aspects can only exist on Halloween. It's the one night a year people can wear orange and black, be utterly devoid of morality, and eat until reaching a sugar coma. Rock out to "The Addams Family" on repeat; embrace the one single day when it's almost okay. Happy Halloween. Slutify.