By Michaela Papa, Columnist
I am a misanthrope. There is no sense not coming straight out and admitting that before you embark upon the arguable nonsense that may ensue. That being said, I think that humanity is in utter decline. Though, that doesn't mean much coming from a misanthrope.
Be it the increasingly poor weather or the overall short-tempered nature of Hofstra students, lately I have been exceptionally peeved. As I said before, humanity is in decline. America as a culture is more concerned with what in the world Nick Cannon and Mariah Carewy's baby could possibly look like than the state of the economy.
And so because deep down I care, I created a list in which you can better humanity as a whole in five simple ways. A bold statement, yes, but at this point what have we got to lose.
Perhaps the easiest way to improve yourself and better the culture of a generation is to watch better television. I'm not imploring you to read Kite Runner instead of Tucker Maxx…but there's is excellent television out there.
I saw nobody dressed up as Liz Lemon for Halloween. Though, that may not be the number one problem with society, it sure is a point worth making. If I had a dollar for every Snooki I passed on Oct 31st I could put the makers of the Bump-It out of business.
With shows out such as 30 Rock, Weeds, and Dexter it baffles me as to why the season finale of the Real Housewives of New York City attracted a series history high of 2.64 million viewers. And so, I plead you to make cultural references to Verdukian holidays and night cheese, as opposed to fist pumps and "The Situation." I think the real situation on our hands is how the hell we're going to make it.
While I think few things are better than curling up with a good book (hide the surprise), I believe a simple step towards bettering humanity would be to watch quality television.
The next way civilization would be better off would be if people learned to dress (weather) appropriately. While the weather of Long Island is volatile at best it seems as though Hofstra students have zero knowledge of the weather outside before leaving their room. While I could deem a person warm–blooded wearing "booty shorts" in November, I see the same people wearing Uggs in May.
The utter disregard for what is not only appropriate—but what is weather appropriate—is rising with each season. If each person based his or her daily outfit after checking the temperature, the world might be a slightly better place. A stretch, perhaps, but if I see another person trekking through snow in flip-flops, I will be upset.
The next easy improvement to make society a little richer is for restraint on PDAs. The shoulder grazing around the person in front of you in the egg line is pleasurable for nobody. Holding hands through a sweatshirt in Dutch make everybody uncomfortable.
While these may be seen as discretions considering the alternatives, I would find a couple actually kissing on the unispan less obstructive and distractive than the groping I encounter all too often.
Perhaps the easiest improvement to society is to observe personal space bubbles. Something I learned from good ol' Ms. Webster, my second grade teacher, is how to judge personal space: if you stick out your arm and touch a person, you're too close. Paired with the overall disregard for germs and sanitation, people need to maintain the appropriate talking distance.
While society is in complete decline, and the quality of humanity is lower than ever, I think that you can make a difference. Making the small alterations in your life will make the world a little less pathetic. In watching quality television, learning to dress (weather) appropriately, limiting PDA, and observing personal space will make society a little more bearable.
Though, there is little hope for America to regain respect as a nation, perhaps if we all made the world a little less like Long Island we could wake up every morning a little easier.