By Anna Aphrodesia
After a break-up, many of us travel down the "let's still be friends" path. But this is easier said than done.
Most of the time you want absolutely nothing to do with your ex. You really don't even want to be friends with him or her.
When you go from a certain level of intense intimacy with a person, being anything less is often too difficult to deal with. Even if you simply grew apart, it is still hard to discover yourself apart from him or her. At this point though, being friends seems better than nothing.
To save yourself from potentially awkward social situations, you put other feelings aside and embrace your new status as friends. However, it is an unsaid rule that you're not really friends.
An ex of mine was once bold enough to speak out and break this rule. While we told everyone we were "friends," he grew tired of the charade and admitted he didn't consider me his friend at all.
He was right of course. I consider my friends to be the people I care most about and go to when I want advice or approval. I certainly wasn't interested in any advice he could give to me, nor did I want his approval. But, once he admitted we were not really friends, it became awkward.
When you're not friends with someone, but you're not exactly enemies, you're left in this gray area that can be pretty complicated.
Certainly a level of respect and maturity must be maintained. But, how long do you have to walk on eggshells to cater to someone's needs that you are not even friends with?
The first month or two after a break-up pretty much determines what kind of relationship you will have with that person.
The biggest mistake is that many people say one thing and then do another. If you agree that you are going to remain friends, you actually have to follow through. You don't have to call them or go out of your way to do anything for them, but be friendly when you see them. Taking cheap shots at them or throwing in snide remarks in every conversation does not constitute friendly behavior. If you can't handle being friends, it's better to be up front about it.
Regardless of the situation, a level of class should be upheld. Flaunting your new interest or engaging in a malicious make-out session is never really done in good taste. Even though you are no longer with this person, you should still be considerate of his or her feelings.
However, when you're still dealing with the fallout of a relationship more than two months after the fact, clearly that person is not mature enough to handle being friends with you.
Eventually, you both will move on, and, chances are, you will see your ex with someone else. If enough time has passed, generally three months or more, there is no reason for you to defend any of your actions. Unless you are hooking up with someone simply to spite your ex, you can't be blamed for moving on.
The reality of the situation is that while some people will always have a place in your heart, sometimes they don't deserve a place in your life.
