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Armchair Observations: A Humor Column

By Matt Napolitano, Humor Columnist

By now, you've probably seen the footage of Los Angeles Lakers forward Metta World Peace throwing a mighty elbow to the noggin of Oklahoma City Thunder guard James Harden.  First off, what a wallop.  I mean, I have seen World Peace throw an elbow and a punch, but nothing the likes of that, yowsa.

For any non-sports fans, you probably read that last sentence and thought, 'what does this half page filler have against world peace?"  Easy there, I know my last name is hard to spell and pronounce, but it ain't Ahmadinejad.

Metta World Peace being suspended seven games for that elbow made the headlines just plain ironic.  It brought us such gems as "World Peace Suspended", "Lakers To Bench World Peace", and my personal favorite, "World Peace Gets Banned".  It turned out the stupid name change Ron Artest made was the greatest thing for his future lapses in judgment.

However, it got me thinking, there are so many other potential headlines that could come of athletes' names, providing the right situations come up.  For a situation as awesome as World Peace knocking someone out cold (yes it was bad, yes he deserves to be suspended), there has to be plenty more to provide us a cheap giggle at the expense of those who make much more than us.

THE STORY: 
Mavericks guard Jason Kidd accidentally gets trapped in an elevator while speaking to graduates at the University of Notre Dame
THE HEADLINE: 
Irish lock up Kidd in elevator

THE STORY: 
Oakland Athletics pitcher Bartolo Colon goes off to strongest start since his Cy Young season, after struggles.
THE HEADLINE: 
Colon emerges smelling like a rose

THE STORY: 
Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen chews on a Louisville Slugger
THE HEADLINE: 
Ozzie bites bat; says Bashar Assad "a champ" (just looking to the not-so-distant future with that one)

THE STORY: 
Olympic pole vaulter Steve Hooker overcomes the odds and takes gold medal in London.
THE HEADLINE: 
Hooker smokes competition, leaps atop podium

THE STORY: 
A high school basketball player in Michigan clears auditorium with unwashed, smelly lucky jersey
THE HEADLINE:  Jersey smell sends people running

THE STORY: 
Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski visits a Catholic church and then mysteriously disappears.
THE HEADLINE:
Nuns get Gronked, Pats tight end in peril

THE STORY: 
The Chicago Cubs snap a 104-year drought and win the World Series.
THE HEADLINE: 
Cubs win World Series (hey, even a Mets fan needs to realize there are worse off people in the world)

THE STORY: 
A public feud between New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan and former U.S. women's soccer star Mia Hamm breaks out.

THE HEADLINE: 
Rex Ryan makes Hamm eat words

SGA deliberates the future offices of 40 clubs

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