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Armchair Observations: A Humor Column

By Matt Napolitano, Humor Columnist

Well, Graduation Day has finally approached, and after four years on the Hofstra campus, it is time to take my talents and laptop to bigger and better things.  What those things are I'm not sure, but I can honestly say writing this column has really given me a broader perspective of what's on tap for this writer.
When Max Sass, last year's sports editor, approached me about this idea, it took me about a microsecond to think about it.  Absolutely.  What better way for me to take a break from my studies than to vent about all the craziness that is this wide world of sports we adore. 
I remember the first column.  It was based on the kinds of fans that exist and what team you should be rooting for.  I also remember it didn't make it to the print edition of The Chronicle.  That's because I didn't make it in time for the deadline.  Off to a great start.  Needless to say, I relied heavily on Facebook to spread the word about the article.  I must've posted the link enough times to compete with Kony 2012.
Either way, the feedback was awesome and I embraced it.  People came up to me with ideas, I wrote them.  Athletes and coaches on the campus came up to me saying how much they enjoyed it.  I had people who didn't even like sports say they liked my column.  I felt pretty accomplished.  I remember having Joe Pantorno read this over all the time before I submitted it, because I knew if he would laugh, the column was fairly good to ship out.
However, I quickly learned how fast you can run out of ideas.  By December, I was fresh out of ideas and relying on people for story ideas like Dick Cheney relies on stolen hearts to keep him alive (KalimahKalimah!).
No matter how strenuous it was, a story always came forward.  A joke was always made.  An opinion was always stated, and to that I have to thank the many pro athletes and their many faux pas over these last two years for helping me accomplish my goal...delivering a column you wouldn't use as paper mache.
A thank you to:
- Jeremy Lin
- Amare Stoudemire
- Carmelo Anthony
- Metta World Peace
- Ron Artest (two mentions for double the idiot)
- Charles Barkley
- Rashard Mendenhall
- Ben Roethlisberger
- The New York Mets
- The Steinbrenner Family
- Chris Martin
- Tim Tebow
- Tom Brady
- Bill Belichick
- Any member of the New England Taliban, aka the Pats
- The Boston Red Sox
- The Atlanta Braves
- Eli Manning
- Houston Nutt
- Nick Saban
- Chuck Liddell
- Tito Ortiz
- Terry Francona
- Ozzie Guillen
- The Philadelphia Eagles
- The Philadelphia Phillies
- The Philadelphia Flyers
- The Philadelphia 76ers
- The people of Philadelphia
- Chris Martin
- Adele
- Karl Malone
- Duaner Sanchez
- Francisco Rodriguez
- Shawne Merriman
- The city of Indianapolis
- Andrew Luck
- Lil' Wayne
- Lindsay Lohan
- Paris Hilton
- Anything with a Kardashian next to it
- The Twilight Franchise
- The makers of "The Artist"

...so much help, so little space to fill.  And one final thank you to you, the reader.  You gave this column a special place in your week.  You took the time to read these words and to humor me as I attempted to humor you.
This column had a lot of heart, but the heart I put in to this was only a minor part of the heart put in to the Hofstra Chronicle every week.  My column may be gone, but the paper is still here.  Keep picking it up.  There are a lot of fellow students working hard to produce this.  I hope I speak for all of them when I say I get a smile on my face every time I see people turning these pages.
Again, thank you.  Time to get up and move this armchair somewhere else.

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