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Freshman Do's & Don'ts

By Ryan Broderick, Editor-in-Chief

When you get to Hofstra as a freshman, it's pretty exciting. After an orientation program designed to be the perfect mix of fun ice-breakers and extremely terrifying fire safety, September just can't come soon enough. And as every upperclassman already knows, September and October are the best 60 days you'll get until May. But then the winter months turn Hofstra into a cement version of the Elephant Graveyard from The Lion King. The residential side of campus turns into a network of unbearable wind tunnels. Ever try to turn the corner around Enterprise? Along with the slush and cold, second semester for Freshmen also brings some stark realizations about attending Hofstra.

Expectation:

"When I get to campus I'm going to meet a lot of really cool people."

Reality:

Contrary to what you originally thought, the guys in the suite next to you that spoke about doing magic mushrooms everyday, didn't keep high enough GPAs to end up being the best men at your marriage.

Expectation:

"My classes are going to be really hard, I can't believe I have to buy so many books!"

Reality:

As you now know, Hofstra distribution classes have as much intellectual stimulus as a group of monkeys throwing poop at a zoo. There's only so many times your English 1 professor can re-teach you Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close before you stop taking things seriously.

Expectation:

"I'm so glad I lived in The Netherlands. Being surrounded by people my age was a great idea."

Reality:

Have you gotten sick of the endless sea of Scarface posters, Xbox360s, and nights spent buying over-priced Natty Light at Citgo? Maybe February is a good time to admit that eating a Thanksgiving dinner with your house isn't "totally adorbz." Also, there's probably a human limit to the amount of times you can talk about "The Dark Side Of The Moon" with a bunch of 18-year-olds before you literally implode from cluelessness.

Expectation:

"Oh no worries, if I need groceries I can buy them from this awesome mini-mart on campus."

Reality:

Dutch Treats is a great place for sandwiches when you're out of your mind intoxicated at 2 o'clock in the morning. If you buy groceries from Dutch Treats, you know what you're going to end up with? Strange soup, Taco Bell dip that looks like dog food, a box of gummi bears and Gatorade that costs $4 a bottle.

Expectation:

"There's a really cool bar near campus. I don't have a fake ID, I hope I can sneak in."

Reality:

You can sneak in. It's really easy. Why you'd want to though, is a whole different story.

Expectation: "Mom, I really don't need transportation, Hofstra's got this great bus that takes students to the train station and the mall. All of Hofstra's brochures talk about how easy it is to get into the city."

Reality: There's really no joke to make here. The Blue Beetle is horrible. Also, it's pretty apparent that Public Safety thinks it's hilarious to constantly change the schedule and not tell anyone.

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