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Armchair Observations: A Humor Column

By Matt Napolitano, Humor Columnist

Now that we have reached the end of March, it is time for many of us to enter our mourning period.

Let's face it, this is most paper that been shredded since the Madoff scandal. To the person who picked Butler, Kentucky, UConn and VCU in their final four, I give you a world of credit, and kindly say, congratulations to you…anyway, losing track.

I must say many a Hofstra fan can take solace in the fact that a CAA rival has made its way into the Final Four.  Virginia Commonwealth and its head coach, Shaka Smart, have stunned college basketball, working their way through the likes of Purdue and Kansas to get to the national semifinals.

Now, think back to when this bracket was being filled out.  If you recall, the Rams surprised all analysts by making it into one of the play-in games for the no. 11 seed in the Southwest Region, taking on USC.

After the bracket was set, the firestorm began.  Many analysts saw VCU being in the bracket as crazy as allowing Justin Bieber to perform at Ozzfest.  One of those bracketologists in particular really stepped up against the CAA squad.  That was ESPN's Jay Bilas.

Despite VCU's surprising performance, Bilas refuses to back down from his words.  Even the actions of their players and coaching staff off the court, actions that are solving the world's troubles one step at a time, still won't change Bilas' mind.

"He still doesn't think they belong in the bracket", said a rep for ESPN, "Yeah, they beat Kansas and Georgetown, but in Jay's opinion, they took a spot that could have had a valuable team like Missouri State."

Since its win in the "first round" over USC, Shaka Smart has not limited his team to just the hardwood.  He has had them working round the clock to not only benefit The University, but also benefit mankind.

Recently, VCU players Jamie Skeen and Joey Rodriguez were brought to a forum in Washington, D.C. to discuss possible methods of solving the national deficit.  This was an issue that took several seersucker-suited gentlemen and pant suited

congresswomen years to fix.  J-Rod and Skeen fixed it in 15 minutes.

"I had no idea it was that simple," said one Republican senator. "I actually ran and gave Nancy Pelosi a hug, that's how mesmerizing it was to solve the American economy".

If that's not impressive, head coach Shaka Smart has been sent by President Obama to be a liaison for ongoing NATO-Libya talks.  "We feel it is in the best interest to send the man who did the impossible in helping send a mid-major to the Final Four to cure the impossibility that is Gaddafi," said one White House rep.  At last check, Gaddafi is running Mikan drills with NATO troops in preparation for a pick-up game.

Despite all of this, Jay Bilas is sticking with his guns, while Shaka's trying to lay Libya's down.  This is the statement we were issued earlier today from Bilas' attorneys:

"Jay Bilas currently remains in hiding.  He is very outraged that people are considering him like a birther of the NCAA bracket.  Just because a team is helping the world and making it to the Final Four, beating Markieff Morris, one of the best players in the country, doesn't mean they deserve to be in the bracket.  The Rams have wronged Mr. Bilas, even though it's obvious VCU has proven their talents on the court and are on their way to Houston."

Citing a losing battle, Bilas' attorney has resigned, his wife is staying at her mother's, and his dog is sneaking to the neighbors' house for daily feeding.

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