By Matt Napolitano, Humor Columnist
‘Twas the night before printout and all through the campus
I sat by my laptop, so stoked for hiatus
The Red Bull was poured down my gullet with care
In hopes that some bright idea soon would appear
The pressure of finals was pounding my head
And my professor's rants are making me up my meds
And staff members typing and I in my cap
You're all reading this now thinking, is he really repeating this crap?
When on ESPN, there arose such a clatter
I got off my Twitter to see what was the matter
Away to the web page, I saw in a flash
That Albert Pujols began his search for a whole lotta cash
Miami had an offer, they opened their mouth
In their new-found effort to be the Eagles of the South
When what else would pop up on the Bottomline
But happiness in Boston over Bobby Valentine
The former Mets' driver, a man of Flushing flash
Headed to Yawkey Way with his cap and moustache
More rabid than Tim Tebow in a fourth quarter game
Beantown fans whistled, shouted and called out by name
Now Papi, now Dustin, now Beckett, now Lestah
Now Lowrie, now Marco, now A-Gone, let's all go to Worcester!
So off of the diamond, I searched anew
Only to land on a story all about Big Blue.
Tom Coughlin and his crew falling from grace
Like a drunk Lindsay Lohan, flat on their face
They fell to the Saints, the Niners, and the Pack
Come on, fans yell, is Alex Smith that hard to sack?
A bunch of football and baseball stories come through
When out of nowhere, the NBA season was anew
The lockout now over, I rushed to the stores
To buy a Golden State jersey, #22 Warriors.
I looked at the schedule, my heart starting to soften
Only to realize…they're not playing at the Garden!
I threw my iPod, I broke my Blackberry
Good news, so I can get an iPhone on an X-Mas so merry.
But alas, some better word from Joe the editor
He bellowed…we can go see Jenks at the Prudential Center?
And finally -- yes, my column, there was a thought bubbling.
I ran for my laptop, over it I was huddling (bear with me, the Red Bull's wearing off…)
I typed with such fury, a new life like a spark
I felt like the one percent going back inside Zuccotti Park.
It was coming together, an article so dour
Then all of a sudden, I ran out of power.
I stared at the black screen in a raging manuever
I felt as enraged post Game 7 in Vancouver
All was gone, with words I could not speak
So I say, merry tension y'all, it's Hofstra finals week!