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Taking His Talents To South Beach

By Max Sass, Sports Editor

1. How do we live at Hofstra without football?

The other day I was looking through The Daily Orange online, the student newspaper at Syracuse University (student media solidarity!). As I electronically thumbed through the pages, I came across a story about former Hofstra wide receiver Aaron Weaver who starred in his debut for the Orange. I read through the article, slowly cringing.

Syracuse is a Big East football bottom-dweller, but they at least have a team to be a bottom-dweller. Though I never knew Weaver personally, I started to miss him. I don't like the idea of him scoring for anyone else but the Pride. And not to sound like a jealous girlfriend but seeing this kind of talent in another uniform makes me well…jealous.

I miss the close wins and optimism (think last season's opener against Stony Brook) and I miss the heartbreak (think last season's homecoming against Maine).

So how do I move past it? Soccer

The men's soccer team at Hofstra is not quite the event that the football team and their games are but it's still fun and a more than sufficient substitute. First of all, the team wins. Who doesn't love a winner? The team has won the Colonial Athletic Association as recently as 2006 and finished the 2005 season as the no. 13 team in the nation in the final polls. Even more recently, last years team reached the CAA Tournament despite the cut from six postseason teams to four and recent graduates (including '08 grads Rich Martinez and Jamal Neptune) have played professionally. Martinez even has his own wikipedia page!

This year's team is a fun group of guys as well. The international flair (nine players on this years roster are from outside of America) and the physical play of the team are interesting. Freshman defender Shaun Foster is from England and has already marked his territory on the back line for the Pride. The redheaded Foster can be heard from the stands yelling instructions to teammates (and occasionally the ref) and proves that British accents are hysterical, especially when yelled constantly for 45 minutes at a time.

Speaking of 45 minutes at a time, soccer offers something Americans have almost dropped baseball for, a fast-paced game with NO COMMERCIAL BREAKS. The only break in the game is for half time and that perfectly coincides with when every single person wants to get a snack and use the bathroom.

The other thing about Hofstra soccer, which you may not like about European soccer, is that our team is not a bunch of drama-queens. Well, occasionally Brett Carrington ends up on the floor for a bit, but for the most part there is not much flopping. Cristiano Ronaldo does not get to ply his acting chops on the pitch at Hofstra, instead these men play the game, instead of trying to play the ref. The physicality of the game will never match that of football, but there is a certain something to not having pads on that makes slide tackles and hard hits that much more entertaining. The games are free, the stands seat plenty and are much closer to the field than they are at Shuart Stadium.

So while I miss football, I can definitely live with futball and even if you can't, just remember its less than two months unless Matt Grogan's silky sweet jump shot and the rest of the Hofstra basketball team are in action.

2. What was Virginia Tech thinking?

Virginia Tech invited Boise State hundreds of miles and a few time zones east to play them in Landover, MD to open their season. Most teams don't fare well when traveling far, hence a home field advantage and the game was just a few miles away from Blacksburg, VA, but WHAT WERE THE HOKIES THINKING?

Did they not see Boise march into Eugene, OR last season and smack the Ducks around harder than a LeGarrette Blount punch?

Did Frank Beamer really think Boise St would not be ready by week 1? (Does Boise St have any games scheduled after week 1 anyway?)

Did he really think Chris Petersen and Kellen Moore and the rest of the Broncos would not take advantage of the only three hours of national TV attention they get all season?

The Hokies came into the season ranked tenth in the first poll. Had they followed the trend of the other top – 10 teams, they would have scheduled San Jose St. or Marshall or some other patsy who was happy to receive a payday and a beat down. Instead they made the awful decision to play no. 3 Boise St in a nationally televised season opener.

The best case scenario for the Hokies entering the game: The Broncos are affected by the travel and cannot stand up to Bud Foster's defense or Tyrod Taylor and the rest of the Hokies offense. Virginia Tech marches over the Broncos defense and show the nation that Boise St could never compete in a BCS conference and were overrated coming into the season. The only problem with the scenario aside from the obvious fact that Boise St won, is that even with the win, the Hokies lose. Instead of beating a BCS power and jumping spots in the polls, the Hokies would have been the team that beat the underdog darlings. They would have beaten the no. 3 team in the nation, but how many would give Virginia Tech credit instead of discrediting Boise St's preseason ranking? The answer is no one outside of Blacksburg, VA.

The worst-case scenario: The Hokies lose and are essentially eliminated from the national title chase. Instead of living to fight another day and gearing up for a big winner-take-all-BCS-implication showdown with Georgia Tech, the Hokies threw all their eggs into one basket and lost on national TV

Was there any chance that Petersen's team was going to not be prepared for the one game that could determine their chance to be college football's version of Butler. The short answer: No.

Next week the Hokies invite James Madison and their I-AA football program to Blacksburg, but they were a week too late. While JMU might be nice competition for the no. 10 team in I-AA they are a cakewalk for the Hokies. Why not schedule JMU week one, rack up the stats and maybe schedule a week two game against a BCS team (well done Miami and Ohio State).

Virginia Tech put them self into a situation where even if they win, they gain not all that much. Had they lost, they lose big. The Hokies were week 1's big losers.

3. Did Batman use the drive through?

Anybody who has watched the Sandlot has thought about this question. Every single red-blooded American (LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT!) has seen the movie so therefore by the transitive property, everyone wants to know if Batman uses the drive through.

The short answer to the question is yes, but the more complicated answer is no. Let's think about this logically (if that is even possible).

A recent study showed that 93.4% of Americans eat fast food (okay, I totally made that one up), but logically if you look at the number of obese people, stoners and lazy college students who wait until after midnight to eat, well it makes sense that the fast food business is booming.

Now as for Bruce Wayne. He uses the drive through, he must, he is human after all. Bruce Wayne as Batman raises the issue. 

Batman has an impeccable body (vote against fast food) but he is always in a rush (vote for fast food). So let's look at a specific situation. Bruce Wayne has a hot date scheduled for a Friday night. He eats breakfast (after all it is the most important meal of the day) and then eats and early lunch because he had a mani/pedi with Alfred scheduled for 12:30 pm. (Sidenote: Does Batman do manicures and pedicures? Alas, a question for another day. Side-side note: Why are capes not socially acceptable? Capes are awesome!)

So dinner reservations for Wayne and his fair maiden are scheduled for 9 p.m. in the nicest restaurant in all of Gotham City, leaving Wayne starved for at least nine hours. As Wayne begins to drive to pick up his lady of the week (Batman has to be a ladies man) the Bat Signal goes off! Commisioner Gordon needs his help!

Now, what we do know is that Wayne, now the Caped Crusader, is in a major rush and he has not eaten for a long time. We also know that no one can fight crime (or perform up to their full abilities at anything) on an empty stomach with no energy. He is driving the Batmobile so one would imagine it is a bit difficult to navigate it through but if anyone could maneuver that line it would have to be Batman right?

Batman's options come down to two things, does he pull over quickly and grab a McDouble or does he not fully nutritionally prepare for his heroics? The answer is he does not use the drive through. With all of our modern advances in science, technology and especially celebrity gossip wouldn't someone have come forward with a story of having their car burnt to a crisp by the Batmobile? Furthermore, he's Batman, his center console must have a Gatorade, 5-hour energy as well as Power Bars in it. That would be just silly if he didn't.

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