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Two girls one column: The class stereotypes

By Dani Frank and Rebecca Astheimer

Greetings, our lovely readers. We have been dragging ourselves around campus in a half-Red Bull, half-espresso induced coma. Yes, it is only Tuesday as we write this. Don't judge. After an assault of dirty looks in the cubby area for speaking above... not speaking... we decided this week to reflect on a favorite discussion of ours: our classmates. In between being told how and where to use a comma (no, we didn't learn that in 5th grade) and being assigned to read a chapter we don't plan on reading until the week before the midterm, we critique our fellow Hofstra students. Yes, we're judging you; all of you. But don't pretend you're not doing the same!  The following are a few of the most intolerable examples.

A staple personality at Hofstra is the bro. The bro, won't show up for class until the day of the midterm. He will probably hound you for notes, explaining that he just couldn't make it to class. And yes, it is so hard to sit in a 12:45p.m. class and feign interest in a subject you don't care about and haven't bought the book for. What a difficult life you lead, sir!  He will always ask for the assignment to be pushed back, sometimes the week before it is due. A fair argument, of course. When attending class, solely to piss off the teacher and entertain fellow students, he finds it necessary to make comments. These comments are probably "intended" to be under his breath, but can be heard by the entire class (and boy, are they high-larious!). For example, he will follow up a discussion of possibly legalizing marijuana with "Yeah, about time!" Thank you for your insight. We never would have guessed you felt this way considering you are wearing a shirt with two naked women alongside a marijuana leaf. And no, I will not high-five you "up top". Put your hands down. This is one end of the spectrum. The other, we often find, to be far worse.

The next type of student can be male or female, but in our experiences is usually female. They participate to such a degree that we want to cut their hand off the next time it is raised, and laugh at every comment that could possibly be seen as a joke that is made by the teacher. Case in point. When we are discussing the negative aspects of the No Child Left Behind Act and you think it is a good time to bring up how you used to have really bad grades in middle school, then you got a teacher you really liked who helped you and you two are still in touch, you are wrong. So very wrong. Go back to taking notes with your pen with the monkey atop it, because your comment was unnecessary and just cut four minutes out of our review for the midterm. Also, after making said comment, the teacher finds it necessary to respond in some trivial way to show that they heard you. But really, they are just as annoyed as we are. And finally, yes, we will chuckle or smile when the teacher attempts a joke or funny remark. They have an hour and a half to stand in front of us, so it is in their best interest to entertain us. But to make quips like, "Mmm" when the teacher comments on a male with a nice physique, you are embarrassing yourself, as well as Hofstra. Transfer.

Let us conclude with our personal favorite, the smarmy "this is my major!" kid. They're in every school at Hofstra; business, film, journalism, drama, etc. and you all have one that pops up in a handful of your classes because you two happen to share the same major. They are having a borderline inappropriate love affair with the professor. They raise their hands and make jokes that are both unfunny and unnecessary. If someone in the class dares make a comment that is slightly incorrect or that shows some lack of knowledge on the subject at hand, said major kid will pounce like a cat and make snide remarks in the back of class for the next seven weeks (to no one in particular, because nobody wants to associate with them). Also, these types are fans of name-dropping, even if they don't know what they're talking about. For the record, talking about a person, movie or institution that is obscure does not mean you are well-versed or more intelligent in the subject matter. Period. Also, it is also quite likely that these students are actually not very studious and think that they can get away with an A by brownnosing and talking the talk, without walking the walk. Unfortunately, sometimes they can. We need your help in fighting this cause! Do not feed into their pseudo-intellectual banter! Or, stunning good looks.

Sure, there are more stereotypes of people that we could throw under the bus, but we still have a semester and a half of writing for The Chronicle this year and don't want to come off as total jerks, yet. But whatever you do, please don't encourage these people!  Everyone needs to grow up and be held accountable for their actions at some point. If you have no qualms about your parents spending $40,000 a year for you to attend this university and spending your Wednesday nights to Thursday mornings at White Trash Wednesday at the Dizzy Lizard, be our guest. But we will give you a disgusted look when you ask us for our impeccably crafted notes. Also, feel free to be subconsciously obnoxious in class. You will learn one day, when your coworkers host a party and you are watching your boss's dog while he is out of town. We will be laughing at you as you trudge home with your roller backpack.

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